Self-induced Memory Loss
by DesperateShipper
Summary: What's left when you discover that you can't trust your own memories? The past isn't always how you remember it. Regina created knew memories for Emma and Henry... or did she? - Picks up at the end of the winter finale (3x11) - #SwanQueen #SwanMillsFamily - Swen Secret Santa for swanqueenidiot
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer : I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters, just borrowing them for personal experiments and inspiration-feeding.**_

**A/N**_ : This is the first time I've ever posted a fic, even though I've been writing for some time now. I don't pretend I'm an 'author', I just wanted to share this with you. I hope you'll like it! Feedback - whether positive or negative - is greatly appreciated, it's the only way I can improve myself. Well, that, and writing again and again of course. Frankly I'd love to know what you've thought about it! If you have any questions or comments, you can review or PM me =)_

**_This fanfiction is a Secret Santa gift to the amazing swanqueenidiot on Tumblr._**

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Regina took Emma's hand.

"I can't preserve your memories, but I can give you new ones, good ones… You'll always have been with Henry. You'll be both happy..." Regina looked in Emma's eyes and felt her heart tightening when she saw the tears running down the blonde's cheeks.

She didn't want Emma to leave and she didn't want to lose Henry.

He was the person she cherished the most in this world and she would give anything not to be forced to let him go.

But magic always comes with a price, and Henry was the price to pay to send them all back where they belonged. It wouldn't work if he stayed with her.

It was truly the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Letting him go…

Since she didn't have a choice, she wanted to at least give them both the best life she could. They deserved to remember never being forced apart. They deserved a happy ending of some sort, even if it didn't really feel like one.

Emma would take good care of him, because the blonde loved their son as much as she did.

"But it won't be true," Emma argued, having trouble getting the words out of her mouth. "It'll be nothing but a lie."

She didn't want to separate Henry from his family. She didn't want to lose her parents now. Not again, it was too soon. They'd barely had the time to get to know one another. They had been waiting for so long before finally being reunited. But they had finally found one another. They always did, it ran in the family.

And now, what? She was just supposed to leave and forget everything? Forget that her parents hadn't abandoned her? Forget those precious years when she'd had people to actually care about? And how was she supposed to take Henry away from his mom?

She herself might be Henry's birth mother, but she certainly wasn't his mom.

Breaking the curse was about to tear apart yet another family instead of bringing back all the happy endings. Talk about side effects.

Leaving had never been so heartbreaking before. She couldn't just give up, not without trying.

"Are you absolutely certain there is no other way?" Emma asked with a trembling voice. "There has to be something we can do…"

She locked eyes with Regina and saw only despair. Emma knew that if there was anything the brunette could do to fix all this, she would. There was simply no way out.

Henry, standing between his two moms, remained silent. His overwhelming emotions prevented him from voicing a single word.

He had to say goodbye, but not as in a "see-you-soon" kind of good-bye. He wouldn't even remember his own mom. The former Evil Queen, sure, but his mom nonetheless.

The one who had tucked him into bed for ten years, who soothed him when he woke up in the middle of a nightmare late at night. The one who watched him all night long, sat in a chair by his bed when he was sick and always made sure he hadn't forgotten about his homework.

He was thankful to Emma for doing her best to find a solution, but he already knew in his heart they had no other choice but to leave the town and everyone they loved. They had to just leave them all behind.

Not willing to waste any more of the precious time he had left, he turned to Regina, circling her waist, hugging her as close as he could. He buried his face against his mom's chest as they held each other for a while.

She returned the hug, her gaze never leaving Emma.

She was a little appeased by the reassuring look on her face. It was a look that said everything Emma couldn't say out loud. She understood Regina's worries and she wanted to tell her it would be ok. Everything would be ok. She would never let anything happen to Henry, no matter what she did or didn't remember. She wanted to tell Regina that she could be trusted.

Regina didn't exactly have a say in this, but she believed her. She was good at reading people and what she saw in the depths of Emma's intent gaze was her determination to make things right.

Feeling a bit less insecure, Regina loosened her grip on her son and eventually let go of him. Henry looked up at her and simply said "I love you, mom".

She couldn't stop her own tears from falling now. He would forget, but she wouldn't. She would never stop wondering where he was or what he was doing, praying for him to be all right.

"I love you too Henry. So very much," she answered, a small smile gracing her lips as she leaned closer to kiss his forehead.

Then Emma took Henry's left hand, his right never leaving Regina's. Together, they walked over to Emma's yellow bug. Once Emma and Henry were both in the car, Regina took the curse out of her coat's pocket and as she crushed it, a purple glow surrounded her hands.

They didn't have much time left now. Pan's green curse was getting closer and closer by the minute. Regina raised her hands, purple mist escaping her palms to meet with green mist high above their heads, as she nodded at Emma so that the blonde would start the car.

When the car was slowly set in motion and before it could cross the town line, Henry brushed his hand against Regina's arm in one last silent goodbye.

As he did, a wave of purple mist washed over the scenery, engulfing everything in its wake, hiding from sight both the little crowd standing inside the limits of the town line and the car on the other side.

Once the mist had dissipated in the air, Storybrooke's former inhabitants were able to take a look at their surroundings.

Everyone in presence released a breath no one had been aware of holding.

They were finally back home.

The woods around them weren't Storybrooke's. They were in the Enchanted Forest, back to their old land.

Both crushed at the idea of having lost her daughter once more and relieved to finally be home, Mary-Margaret turned towards David to seek comfort in him.

She immediately noticed that something was off. He seemed lost, looking everywhere around him as if he was searching for something, his brows slightly furrowed.

"What's going on?" Mary-Margaret asked, worry tainting her voice.

"David, is everything all right? What's wrong?"

He finally looked down to her.

"Regina's not here with us," he said in a confused tone. "Where is she?"

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**_So...?_**


	2. Chapter 1 - A Very Swan-Mills Christmas

_**A/N:**_ _Hello everyone! First of all, I'd like to thank you all! First for taking the time to read it. Then for the enthusiastic reviews I received. I truly loved every single one of them. And of course for all the favs/follows from my silence readers. I'm so glad you liked it (at least a bit) :D Sorry for this late update. It's not even that long but I hope I'll be able to post another really soon and not make you wait for so long. So now at least you'll know where Regina is ;) I'll just stop talking and let you read. Enjoy :)_

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She was sitting stiffly in her seat, her head leaning lightly against the doorframe. She looked intently outside the window, her gaze wandering over the giant trees half covered in snow aligned on the side of the road the car was taking.

Well, the car or rather the "yellow death trap" as she was so used to affectionately calling it.

She had some sort of a love-hate relationship with that vehicle. She hated the lack of comfort and she hated it even more when it was so cold that her breath was clouding in front of her despite the fact that the heater was turned up to the max.

Pretty much like it was now.

But then she remembered with fondness all the good memories that car elicited and it brought a smile to her lips. It was such an important piece of the puzzle that was their life and family. It had seen many fights and reconciliations and it had been there to see them reach quite a few milestones, in every sense of the word.

For now however, it wasn't because of the car that Regina was cursing under her breath.

"Brilliant. Truly a brilliant idea. I don't even know why I got myself into this. What was I thinking? Really, this is completely ridiculous. When I think that we could be in Boston right now…"

Emma was trying really hard to keep her eyes focused on the road ahead of her but she couldn't completely obliterate Regina's comments and she could see her frowning from the corner of her eye.

Going to the cabin for Christmas was her idea, even though Henry's puppy eyes when he had heard her mention it to Regina had certainly helped her cause. A special look designed by herself to make Regina melt long before Henry was even born and the first thing she had ever taught him.

Regina could never refuse anything to her wife and son when she found herself under the combined attack of 'the look'. They knew it and they often took advantage of it.

And now each word Regina uttered made Emma feel more and more guilty.

They used to spend their summer vacation at the lake before, just the three of them, but they hadn't been there for a while and Emma had thought it would be the perfect occasion to go back.

Building snowmen and ice-skating and snuggling with hot drinks under the blankets while watching the flames dance in the large fireplace sounded like a great way to spend the holidays.

Until they had run out of dry wood and realized the heater was broken that is.

So there they were, making the three-hour drive back to Boston on Christmas day.

She gave her wife a worried sidelong look. She was worried for herself of course. 'Regina' and 'pissed off' were words you didn't want to hear in the same sentence.

"I'm so…"

"Don't bother," interrupted Regina. "You said that already. It's not like it was the first time anyway. You always come up with the best ideas until the plan completely falls apart."

"I just wanted to make it special. Plus, you can't deny it was still fun. I never took you for such a sore loser at snowball fights."

"I wasn't being a 'sore loser'! You obviously enrolled Henry to side with you. You literally both turned against me. It's you who weren't playing fair," Regina said in a defensive tone with half a pout.

Emma couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"Who ever said you couldn't have allies during a snowball fight? Imagine war without allies. How do you think that would work?"

"Snowball fights are nothing like war, dear. It's merely a childish game."

"Precisely," Emma retorted with a much bigger smile. "That's why I'm surprised to see you so angry about it."

"Come on, don't try to make it about that now. You know it's not why I'm angry so just drop it. I'm angry because of you. We had to leave in a hurry and it's your fault. You wanted us to go there in the first place? Well, you should have made sure we could actually stay there without dying from the cold before New Year's Eve."

"Oh so now you're telling me you actually didn't want to leave, huh."

Emma couldn't resist. She found Regina so damn adorable when she got angry. Not that she liked it when she was mad at her. Hell, only someone completely insane would ever want Regina Mills to be so much as annoyed with them.

She knew she was in the clear when Regina cracked a smile, unable to regain composure before Emma averted her eyes from the road just in time to catch sight of it.

Regina was used to having the last word. This time it was too late.

Emma reached blindly for Regina's hand and squeezed it.

"I'm really sorry, love. Don't you think we spent a really nice few days up there? Aren't you happy?"

"We did…" Regina admitted in a low voice. "And I am happy whenever I'm with you and Henry. I hope you know that. I could never have found happiness without you both coming into my life. I just wish we could have stayed a little while longer away from the world. Away from everyone and everything, just the three of us."

"I'm happy with you too," answered Emma giving her wife a quick loving look before turning her gaze back to the road.

Regina took Emma's hand between hers and lifted it to kiss her knuckles lightly.

A voice came from the back seat.

"Ew, get a room!"

Both women jumped in their seats. Regina spun her head around and Emma glanced in the rear-view mirror.

"Henry! I thought you were asleep!"

"I was. Until the birds currently flying in circles around both of your love-struck heads made enough noise to wake me up." Henry said with a mischievous grin.

He very much enjoyed the banter his moms so often indulged in. And he admired how after so much time together they were still in love with each other to the point of making any witness nauseous.

"Hmm… Mom?"

"Yes, Henry?"

"Can you and Mama tell me that story again?" he said with a pleading tone.

"Which story?" Regina asked with a curious frown.

"The first one" Henry said, handing his mom a thick volume.

Regina took it with a smile. It was one of his Christmas gifts and he already liked it so much he wouldn't let it out of his sight.

She let her fingertips trace the curves of the gold letters imprinted on the cover: _Once Upon a Time: a Swan-Mills Chronicle_.

Then she opened the first page and laid her eyes on a picture of the three of them beaming at the camera. Or to be precise, a much younger version of Emma and herself sitting on a hospital bed and beaming at the camera, hugging closely a baby Henry already fast asleep between them.

She took Emma's hand back, and the two women shared a knowing smile.

"Once upon a time…" Emma began, then nodded at Regina to go on.

"The best thing that ever happened to us… happened. It was you."

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_Tell me what you think ;)_


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